GROW O'ahu

Island Style Gardening and Plant-Based Living

In a search to honor her mother, a daughter finds meaning in grief

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My writing was published on a local health blog today. ❤


Blogger Carmen Golay was a mess after losing her mother to lung cancer. In reflecting on her mourning, she asked: How can I turn this grief into something that will make me a better person?

Carmen Blogger Carmen Golay (right) poses with her mother and infant. Golay wanted to find a way to turn the grief over losing her mother into something positive. Photo courtesy: Karissa Holcombe

I was annoyed at myself. I felt like all I talked about all the time was grief, and answering peoples’ “how are you?” questions with their sad eyes. To my therapist: “I just don’t want to say any more about it, you know? It’s not like grief is an uplifting topic for dinner conversation.”

He responded, “Why can’t grief be uplifting?”

I sat silent. Because grief is grief, I thought to myself. It’s sad. It’s final. It’s miserable. Everyone hates it. People die and we cry and we miss…

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Author: Carmen

Things I love: justice in all forms; flowers; locally grown food; cloth-diapering; breastfeeding; feminist theory; outdoor play; beaches; wine; Divine interventions; 4-H and coffee. Things I loathe: racism; homophobia; toxic crap; misogyny; litterbugs; the zombie apocalypse and pitbull-haters. My formal education is in sociology, gender studies, and public policy. I'm also a Lactation Educator; 4-H Youth Development coordinator a Certified Master Gardener and a graduate of a Permaculture Design Course. I've been blogging for several years on dozens of topics- everything from women's health to breed-specific legislation. But the thing I like to write about most is my gardening, food adventures and my kids. So there you have it. Please be kind. Thanks.


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